'The Crazy Ones' episode recap: “Danny Chase Hates Brad Paisley”

We open on Zach, Simon and Lauren surrounded by all the other employees at the agency as they sample Satan’s Tongue’s Spicy BBQ Sauce, whose account they are trying to land. All three takes swigs of the salsa. Zach starts to go down because it’s just too spicy, but a male co-worker catches him. Then, Sydney comes in and introduces her new assistant, Allie, but no one is paying attention. Sydney explains to Allie what a “big day” it is and how Simon gets full on when trying to land an account. Allie tells Sydney that she understands, that she “knows about the competition so I had Lauren fax me your schedule and I took the liberty of putting Tums on everyone’s desks.” Sydney then hugs Allie and tells her that she loves her already. Allie even knows and brought Sydney a cup of coffee just how she likes it, with almond milk. Then, a somewhat dazed Zach approaches and starts hitting on Allie, but Sydney pushes him away. She then tells Zach that she finally got her own assistant and she won’t let him mess it up, “You won’t just happen to be having lunch at the same place she is, you won’t just happen to be grabbing a drink at the same bar and you won’t just happen to have condoms when she’s bored and hanging out at your apartment.” Zach replies that he was just saying hello to her, but Sydney fires back that she’ll say it for him and warns him to stay away from “my machine.” Zach then walks away.

Meanwhile, Simon and Lauren are sampling more salsa as the other employees cheer them on. They’re both sweating, but move to sample more, but Lauren drops her shot glass of salsa saying she can’t feel her tongue and can’t eat anymore. Andrew then proclaims Simon “the champion.” Simon then gets up on the table and Simon says they now have to make up a winning pitch to land the Satan’s Tongue’s Spicy BBQ Sauce account.

Simon, Zach and Andrew meet with the sisters, Millie and Jane, who own Satan’s Tongue’s Spicy BBQ Sauce and they tell them that they found the recipe after their grandmother passed away. Simon then asks them their ideas for the ad campaign. Millie replies that they want “one of those fun jingles that sticks in your head.” Jane then mentions how she loved a jingle that the guys say Danny Chase, the jingle guy that went to school with Sydney and became obsessed with her, wrote. They ask if Simon, Zach and Andrew could get him to write a jingle for their BBQ sauce. Simon replies, “We created him. He’ll do anything for us.” Then, Simon suddenly gets a bad stomach cramp and has to walk away from the ladies. He then whispers to Andrew and Zach how much his stomach hurts and that the sauce is probably melting it away. They offer to drive him to the hospital, but Simon declines, telling Zach to finish the meeting by himself and to not let the women leave until he’s landed the account. Zach tells Simon that he can count on him and Simon leaves. Zach then asks Millie and Jane what he can do for them to sign with the agency. The sisters reply that their pitch was great, but that they are meeting with other agencies. Zach then asks them if the other agencies can get Danny Chase to write a jingle for their BBQ sauce? Jane then asks who the agency would get to sing it. Zach says anyone they want to. Millie retorts that since their company is so small, she doubts the agency could get “anybody really big,” but Zach insists that they should “think big!” Then, Jane blurts out, “Brad Paisley” and Millie says that they would sign with Lewis, Roberts & Roberts right then if they could get him. Zach replies, “You got ‘em” and the sisters are ecstatic.

Simon’s in a hospital bed yelling at Zach for promising Millie and Jane that they could get Brad Paisley to sing a jingle for their “tiny regional brand. You overpromised,” Simon tells Zach as he winces in pain. Zach argues that overpromising is “a classic Simon Roberts move,” but Simon rebuts that the “situation called for a ‘nod and switch,’” which he explains is “You ask for a parking space, you nod and suggest a bus pass because hotties take the bus.” Zach says he doesn’t take the bus, but Simon says he tricked him. “I validated your idea then suggested an alternative that would benefit me.” Then, a doctor comes in and tells Simon that his “blood vinegar levels are through the roof. I think you’ve been hitting the sauce a little too hard.” Simon then says their only move now is to fulfill Zach’s promise and get Danny Chase and Brad Paisley.

Sydney asks Lauren if she’s seen Allie. Lauren says that she’s “redoing her cereal.” Sydney reminds Lauren that Allie isn’t HER assistant. Lauren replies that she knows, but Allie doesn’t. Allie returns with Lauren’s cereal and tells both women how excited she is because she met someone, he works at the agency and that they’re going out that night. Sydney fears the worst.
Andrew tells Zach that he’s just not used to people being angry at him. Zach replies that Simon isn’t people, “this is like G-d turning to Jesus and saying, ‘You should have turned the water into better wine.’” Then, Sydney comes in and slaps Zach upside the head and asks him why he couldn’t stay away from Allie like she asked him to. Zach replies that he isn’t going out with her and Andrew interrupts and says that he is. Sydney gets flustered as Zach asks why Andrew can go out with her and he can’t. Andrew then asks why he wasn’t banned from going out with Allie. Sydney then says that Andrew can’t date her either, but he fires back that they’re all adults and he’s going out with her anyway.

Lauren tells Simon and Zach that Danny Chase is on his way up in the elevator. They muse about how “easy” it will be to get him to agree to write the BBQ sauce jingle since he’s “the same sweet kid” they knew. Then, the elevator doors open and Danny Chase comes out all dressed up like a big shot. He then starts talking like a big shot, then asks Simon and Zach why they want him to write the jingle. Danny replies that he took the meeting out of courtesy because the agency gave him his “first shot,” but he then says he “doesn’t do condiments.” Zach and Simon then try to sell Danny on the idea that Satan’s Tongue’s Spicy BBQ sauce is more than just a condiment, “it’s the main event,” says Simon. Danny then asks the guys if the sauce “has a story?” Simon says that it does, so Danny whips out his pliable on-the-go keyboard and tells Simon to tell him the story. Simon then proceeds to tell Danny about Millie and Jane’s grandmother, who wanted a way to moisten her dry steak. Danny makes up lines as Simon goes on and then says he’ll write the jingle. Zach and Simon are over the moon. Zach then tells Danny that they are going after Brad Paisley to sing the jingle. Then, Danny suddenly says he won’t write the jingle because he “hates Brad Paisley!” Simon asks what Brad Paisley ever did to him and Danny vaguely replies that, “oh, he knows what he did to me” and moves to leave. Zach then asks Danny what they can do to change his mind. Danny retorts that if Brad were to apologize to him “I might be able to stomach him for one session.” Simon then says that they haven’t even spoken to Brad yet about singing the jingle, but Zach tells Danny that he will get his apology. As soon as Danny leaves, Simon starts smacking Zach again for “overpromising.”

The next day, Sydney complains to Lauren how she forbade Andrew from going out with Allie, but did it anyway. Lauren thinks Sydney is jealous. Sydney denies the accusation saying that she’s just upset that someone is dating her new assistant. Lauren obviously doesn’t believe her. Then, Andrew comes in, explains that he and Allie did go out, but he didn’t feel anything so he doesn’t foresee them going out a second time and says he told her that he didn’t see a future with her. Lauren and Sydney can’t believe he told her that and Lauren asks why he didn’t lie as to why he didn’t want to go out with her again. Andrew thinks they’re overreacting and assures them that Allie is fine.

Allie is bawling out tears to Sydney saying how she thought that Andrew really liked her and then says she can’t work that day and leaves.

Simon and Zach are waiting outside Brad Paisley’s dressing room as Simon tells Zach that he doesn’t know what went down between Danny and Brad, but he does know that, “stars like Paisley are notoriously difficult.” Then, Brad Paisley comes out of his dressing room, asks Zach and Simon if they are the “barbeque sauce dudes” then agrees to sing the jingle right then saying he knows “it’s regional, but Big Paisley has got to get that sauce money.”

Brad is at agency as he tells Simon and Zach that, “when I believe in a product or cause, I’m happy to lend my name to it. That’s the way my mama taught me.” Simon and Zach then tell Brad what a great product Satan’s Tongue’s Spicy BBQ Sauce is and tells him that Danny Chase is writing the jingle for the ad campaign. Brad doesn’t know who Danny is. Of course, Zach and Simon didn’t expect that and ask Brad to apologize to a “stranger for something he doesn’t remember doing.” Brad retorts by saying that he has two rules, “First, I don’t do a gig without a life-size bust of my head made out of cheese.” The guys say that’s reasonable, “Second, I don’t apologize for nothin’.” Simon then replies, “We expected that.”

Sydney and Lauren go to Andrew and Sydney tells him that he “broke my assistant, but you’re going to fix her.” He asks how and she replies that he needs to go out with her again and this time, he needs to make her hate him and then she gets her assistant back.

Brad is the recording studio, with his guitar, ready to record the jingle as Simon and Zach give Danny Brad’s apology note, which they had Lauren forge Brad’s signature at the bottom. Danny wants to thank him, but Simon and Zach stop him, saying that thanking Brad would embarrass him and to never speak of it again. Brad then tells the guys that he thinks the jingle is “pretty great.” He then sings the jingle and Simon thinks they’re ready to record. Then, Zach and Simon get distracted and can’t stop Danny from mentioning the apology note to Brad. Brad says he never apologized. Zach and Simon try to do damage control saying such things could be discussed after they record the jingle, but Danny shows Brad the note and Brad retorts that it isn’t his signature on the bottom. Both Danny and Brad realize that Simon and Zach lied to them and Brad then asks why he would apologize to someone he’s never seen before. Danny is shocked that Brad doesn’t know who he is or what he did to him.

Flashback to Danny auditioning for the reality show, The Next Big Country Star. Brad was a judge and Danny’s audition was horrible and called Danny “un-American.”

Back to the present, Simon can’t believe that reason Danny hates Brad is “because you were cut from a reality show that airs at two o’clock in the morning after the infomercial about the thing that shocks your face.” Brad then says he remembers Danny and that he “sang like a girl.” Zach tries to change the subject to making money on the jingle, but Danny insists that it isn’t about the money, yet Brad disagrees. Danny says it’s about “the integrity. You lied to me and now you expect me to listen to this joker bastardize my song?” Zach and Simon beg Danny to be reasonable, but Brad tells them that he’ll handle Danny. He then tells Danny that he has a lot of experience with people who are “emotionally challenged” and then Brad punches Danny and asks for ice for his hand. The whole incident has been recorded.

The next day, Zach says that Brad is boarding a plane, Millie and Jane are due at agency tomorrow, they have no jingle and says he blew it! Simon then asks Zach to stop asking, “What would Simon Roberts do?” Zach says he does so because Simon is the best and he wants to be like him. Simon replies that he thinks he’s been putting too much pressure on him (Zach) to be him (Simon) and then Simon asks Zach what his “next move” is? Zach doesn’t think there are any moves left, but Simon says that’s nonsense, even though Zach reminds him that they have no writer, no jingle and no singer. Simon replies that they DO have recorded scraps of two angry men fighting and tosses Zach the tape. Simon then tells Zach that he knows he’ll come up with something.

Allie greets Sydney and Lauren. Sydney comments on Allie’s significantly better mood then asks about her date with Andrew the night before. Allie replies that she’s been “unprofessional and from now on, it’s going to be all business, all the time” then goes to get them coffee. Once she’s gone, Sydney and Lauren are delighted and when they see Andrew praise him for “fixing” Allie. They ask what he did to make Allie completely get over him. Andrew replies that he abandoned their plan of getting Allie to hate him and thanks them for forcing him to go out with her again because, now likes her. Sydney is blindsided as Andrew explains that once they “let their guards down, it was kind of like talking to you.” Allie then returns with Sydney and Lauren’s coffees. They thank her as Allie asks Andrew if he’d like to go with her to a German board game tournament at the University of Chicago that weekend. Andrew explains to Sydney and Lauren that he and Allie learned of their mutual love for German board games on their second date. As they walk away, laughing together, Lauren comments how Allie and Andrew seem to be really into each other now. She then tells Sydney “not to worry. We always want them a little more once they’re unavailable, right?”

Zach and Simon are meeting with Millie and Jane, who can’t believe that Brad Paisley is going to sing about their BBQ sauce. Simon is about to hit the button on his laptop to “play” the jingle, when Zach stops him and says he had a better idea. Simon balks but Millie and Jane want to hear Zach’s idea. Simon then pretends to give in and shuts the laptop. Zach then pulls out a bottle of the BBQ sauce, which he calls “Satan’s Tongue 2.0,” which has a fist as the cap and when you pull on it to open it, you hear Brad Paisley’s voice scream, “OW, DAMN!” Simon and Zach then go on about how consumers have heard jingles before, but they’ve never heard Brad Paisley “howl in exquisite pain over your delicious sauce.” Millie and Jane love it and while they marvel over the bottles, Zach whispers that he named the move they just pulled off the “bicker and swap.” Simon praises Zach then asks the ladies if the agency has landed the account as we keep hearing Brad’s voice go “OW, DAMN!”