'New Girl' Recap: 'Coach'

On this week’s episode of New Girl, Jess and Nick questioned their relationship terminology and Coach came for a visit.

The episode began with the gang hanging out in the loft. They were questioning why Schmidt was getting his wind chimes off the balcony. Seems that, even though Schmidt moved across the hall, he was still coming over to the loft and taking stuff. Nick and Schmidt had a BFF-moment discussing the wind chime but it was ended quickly when they remembered that they were mad at each other.

Both Schmidt and Nick got a text from Coach (Damon Wayans Jr.) stating that he was back in LA for a visit. Within seconds, he popped into the loft behind them. He didn’t remember Jess at all even though she had memories such as celebrating Osama Bin Laden’s death with him.

Coach calls Winston “Shrimp Forks,” a nickname that was started because Winston had girly hands and couldn’t hold a basketball. After Coach mentions hanging out and going to a strip club, Nick turns into a total jerk.

Jess wasn’t exactly on board for Nick to go to the strip club so Coach told Nick that he was whipped if he didn’t go. Nick said that Jess wasn’t his girlfriend. He said that they hadn’t discussed the girlfriend/boyfriend terminology.

Offended, Jess pulled Nick into her room and talked to him about it. He kept digging himself into a hole by stating that they hadn’t had the girlfriend/boyfriend/seeing other people talk yet. It didn’t help when Coach came back in and called Jess Naggie Gyllenhall and Nick said that he was just telling Jess “what kind of cake to bake for me, son!”

So, Jess told Nick to go to the strip club and that she was going to find a man of her own.

Instead of going man hunting, Jess simply went out on a girls’ night with Cece. She wanted to send Nick passive-aggressive texts but currently-man-hater Cece told Jess to see another guy. Jess said that one guy, Artie (Taye Diggs), sexy coffee shop guy, hit on her. So, while Jess was in the bathroom, Cece called him.

Jess giggled and told him that she had a boyfriend. Artie said that he was going to go. Instead, he sat and listened to Jess’s boyfriend problems. She said that she found a note in his room that stated “put on pants” with a question mark at the end. Artie told Jess that he owned the coffee shop and had been to Brazil to look at coffee beans.

So Jess flirted with him. And, against Cece’s advice, Artie drove the two drunken girls home.

Meanwhile, at the strip club, the guys were hanging out at the table doing strip club stuff. Winston gets $2,000 out of an ATM and accidentally buys $2,000 worth of bunny money that is only useable at the strip club’s gift shop or restaurant.

After sitting for a while, Schmidt and Nick talk about how they can’t be partying on a Tuesday night. Nick is freaking out because Jess is mad at him. Schmidt is freaking out because he had an 8:00 meeting in the morning.

So, after Nick mentions that he wants to go home, Schmidt and Coach make fun of him. Finally, Nick says that he has to grow up and go home and Coach cries. Turns out that he didn’t break up with his girlfriend, his girlfriend dumped him for another dude.

So, against Winston pleas (he needed to spend the bunny money), the group leaves. In the cab, Coach states that they’re not going home, they’re going to fight his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend, who happens to be a cop.

Nick states again that they need to grow up. He says that he likes Jess. Schmidt admits that he is vacant. Coach tells his ex’s boyfriend that he should take care of his girlfriend. The cop says he will because he is a cop and not a drunken loser. They decide to go home.

Back at the loft, Jess sent such mixed signals to Artie that, while she was talking to Cece, he crawled into Jess’s bed naked. As Jess walks in to discover him, Nick and the guys arrive.

Cece tries to stall Nick as Jess gets naked Artie out of her bed but it doesn’t work. Nick walks in shocked. Jess tells him to believe her that she wasn’t cheating on him. He tells Artie to get out of “his girlfriend’s bed.”

Artie says that it wouldn’t be a fair fight since he is lying in bed naked. So, Nick takes off his clothes and gets into the bed. With one punch, Artie is out cold. Jess and Nick carry him to the elevator (looks like Jess needs to find a new coffee shop) and close the door.

The morning after shows the gang eating food that Winston bought from the strip club. He begs for them to buy his stripper dollars. No takers.

What did you think of ‘Coach?’ Do you think that Wayans Jr. should join the case?